A little disappointed - A lot upset.

Being in a relationship is hard.

It's even harder when the person you're dating is 1,200 miles away.

It's even harder, yet, when you can't talk to the person and have a real conversation.

It's harder than that when they do something to disappoint you and you can't talk to them about it because talking to them is so hit and miss and you can't have a real conversation and you don't want to fight with them because they are 1,200 miles away, serving your country, being a hero....etc, etc...

But it's SO hard knowing that you've disappointed me. And that's just based on a relationship level. I know what's going to happen in Texas....you're going to choose your Dad - like you always do - and this whole trip is just going to be a HUGE waste. You know you have a flaw that I try to overlook? Your flaw is that oftentimes, you don't think about how your actions are going to affect other people.... And I know you're going to choose your Dad and go hunting for 2 days and I'm just going to be hurt and pissed and all of the above. Because you won't see that by doing that.....you're breaking my heart. You won't see that we're all making sacrifices because we care about you....you won't see that this could have been avoided if people could have been a little more mature and communicated ideas about your 4 day pass in Texas.....if people had communicated....we wouldn't have to take extra days off....pay for 2 extra nights in a hotel, etc. Not that you're not worth those things....but what's the use if we're not going to get to see you? I'm skipping Easter with my family - FOR YOU. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty... I made this decision on my own...but so many times I have chosen you over my family....and I feel like sometimes, that doesn't seem to matter to you.

I love you. You say you love me. PLEASE....do something big to show me how much you care... I'm not saying "Don't spend time with your Dad"....but PLEASE, for once, think about the ramifications of your actions before you decide what to do.

There's nothing I can do.... This is completely out of my control... I only hope that you being where you are, learning all the things you are, has helped you mature in ways... Please be the man I love and trust and look up to. I know he's in there....

The fact that all of this comes from someone else and NOT you....is what disappoints me most....Why didn't you tell me?

A new semester....a new beginning?

I surprise myself each day with my capabilities to pull through in the end. I'm doing okay. I miss James, but it's not my focus...I've got alot to get done this semester and I have to stay focused.

My classes are intense this semester, and so amazingly awesome that I can't even begin to describe it. I'm so excited. I'm going to really push myself and work hard this semester.

And as for wellbeing physically? I've worked out three times this week. I feel great. I've got more energy (for the most part) and I just feel better. I'm trying to take some control back into my life and put myself in a better place.

I'm also really learning about who my true friends are. It's a tough process, but I'm learning. And I like it.

Yay for Phi Beta recruitment this month! I'm so excited about meeting new people! It's so awesome.

So. Yeah. 2008 and I are getting along well, so far.

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow morning....at about 5am... I say goodbye to the most amazing person I have had the chance of meeting. My love, my boyfriend, my best friend.

Is it too soon? Yes. But I am ready.....just ready to let go. To let go and to be.

I can't wait to go back to school and be in my element again. To be where I need to be....which is away from my family.....because they don't understand when I say "Leave me alone, I'm having a bad day..." because hundreds of other people go through this...so I am not allowed to be upset. Or sad. Well, those people are sad, too. And you wouldn't say that to someone else. Just because other people have pain, too, doesn't mean that mine isn't real or significant.

I have to say goodbye for 3 months. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only for three months. And then I get to see him again for 4 glorious days. 4 days when I can hug him, and kiss him, and hold his hand....and sleep next to him. And have him with me. Just three months. That's all I have to wait for.

Please God, give me strength.