My lack of blogger blogging is sad

So, I realized that I never update blogger. I've returned to the motherland: xanga, as of late.

Life has been interesting. Had its ups and downs. Saw James over easter break which was absolutely fab. I love my boyfriend. And I got a tan in Texas. Woot.

Classes have been rough. And I'm working 2 jobs. I think I'm probably spreading myself too thin. Oh well. I do what I need to do. I'm hurting for money, and I'm really trying to make ends meet. We'll see how this goes.

I'm living in Reynoldsburg this summer with Ariana.... Woot.

And I'm just blah...

You must have been kissing a fool...

Oh March is almost here. I really don't check this that often. And I really only got on blogger to stay in contact with Elyse....which has totally failed me... I talked to her way more often on xanga....and I miss it. Lamesauce.

My life...my life has been so very, very interesting in the past month or so.

I broke up with James for a whole...I don't know....10 minutes late one night.
I had many emotional break downs.
I got the most amazing bear from James for vday.
I went to Florida for spring break.
I got a job at Graeter's (an ice cream shop....fatness commences...)
We're doing pledging for Phi Beta and I know who I want as my little....I hope I get him!
I went to a big band dance in Ashland.
I bought tickets to a Ben Folds concert (March 5th.....I CAN'T WAIT!)
I have learned so much about patience, and where I stand with politics....this election, I am sooo in tune!
I've tried to open up to people, despite everything that all of my old friends have said to me.
I'm trying to experience life.

But the best thing that happened to me this month?
I fell even more in love with James.

And you know what's even better?
The day that I thought would never come is fastly approaching!!!!!!!!! Only 22 more days until I go to Texas and get to see James. 3 weeks, my friends. THREE weeks....and when I think about it, I get this huge rush of excitement and I just want to stand up and scream and just be completely elated.

I love him so much. More than my family. More than anyone in the world. Yes. And forever is on the horizon....Plus, I am super excited because we are going to go to NYC next year on my spring break, after he gets home from Kuwait. Can't wait. A week alone with my love. Yes. Oh yes.


okay. I'm happy, today. And very tired. Cheers!

A little disappointed - A lot upset.

Being in a relationship is hard.

It's even harder when the person you're dating is 1,200 miles away.

It's even harder, yet, when you can't talk to the person and have a real conversation.

It's harder than that when they do something to disappoint you and you can't talk to them about it because talking to them is so hit and miss and you can't have a real conversation and you don't want to fight with them because they are 1,200 miles away, serving your country, being a hero....etc, etc...

But it's SO hard knowing that you've disappointed me. And that's just based on a relationship level. I know what's going to happen in Texas....you're going to choose your Dad - like you always do - and this whole trip is just going to be a HUGE waste. You know you have a flaw that I try to overlook? Your flaw is that oftentimes, you don't think about how your actions are going to affect other people.... And I know you're going to choose your Dad and go hunting for 2 days and I'm just going to be hurt and pissed and all of the above. Because you won't see that by doing that.....you're breaking my heart. You won't see that we're all making sacrifices because we care about you....you won't see that this could have been avoided if people could have been a little more mature and communicated ideas about your 4 day pass in Texas.....if people had communicated....we wouldn't have to take extra days off....pay for 2 extra nights in a hotel, etc. Not that you're not worth those things....but what's the use if we're not going to get to see you? I'm skipping Easter with my family - FOR YOU. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty... I made this decision on my own...but so many times I have chosen you over my family....and I feel like sometimes, that doesn't seem to matter to you.

I love you. You say you love me. PLEASE....do something big to show me how much you care... I'm not saying "Don't spend time with your Dad"....but PLEASE, for once, think about the ramifications of your actions before you decide what to do.

There's nothing I can do.... This is completely out of my control... I only hope that you being where you are, learning all the things you are, has helped you mature in ways... Please be the man I love and trust and look up to. I know he's in there....

The fact that all of this comes from someone else and NOT you....is what disappoints me most....Why didn't you tell me?

A new semester....a new beginning?

I surprise myself each day with my capabilities to pull through in the end. I'm doing okay. I miss James, but it's not my focus...I've got alot to get done this semester and I have to stay focused.

My classes are intense this semester, and so amazingly awesome that I can't even begin to describe it. I'm so excited. I'm going to really push myself and work hard this semester.

And as for wellbeing physically? I've worked out three times this week. I feel great. I've got more energy (for the most part) and I just feel better. I'm trying to take some control back into my life and put myself in a better place.

I'm also really learning about who my true friends are. It's a tough process, but I'm learning. And I like it.

Yay for Phi Beta recruitment this month! I'm so excited about meeting new people! It's so awesome.

So. Yeah. 2008 and I are getting along well, so far.

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow morning....at about 5am... I say goodbye to the most amazing person I have had the chance of meeting. My love, my boyfriend, my best friend.

Is it too soon? Yes. But I am ready.....just ready to let go. To let go and to be.

I can't wait to go back to school and be in my element again. To be where I need to be....which is away from my family.....because they don't understand when I say "Leave me alone, I'm having a bad day..." because hundreds of other people go through this...so I am not allowed to be upset. Or sad. Well, those people are sad, too. And you wouldn't say that to someone else. Just because other people have pain, too, doesn't mean that mine isn't real or significant.

I have to say goodbye for 3 months. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only for three months. And then I get to see him again for 4 glorious days. 4 days when I can hug him, and kiss him, and hold his hand....and sleep next to him. And have him with me. Just three months. That's all I have to wait for.

Please God, give me strength.