Perhaps

Perhaps I know that by admitting that I love you, I put myself at risk again. And I'm not sure that I can do that...

So instead...I ask my friends if they think you are gay, I say you have the mentality of a three year old when it comes to dating (this might be true).... I over analyze, and I fixate my stress and worries into a pseudo-crush on my best friend.

But when it comes down to it.... I don't think you're gay....and yeah, maybe you frusterate me cause you don't handle things maybe the way an adult would. And yeah, maybe you ignore me. And it hurts my feelings. And maybe you do more listening than talking and I take it as though you have nothing to say to me. And maybe you call me every night, but I convince myself that you don't care about me and you don't miss me. And maybe it really hurt me that you didn't seem excited to see me....but maybe you think you can't let that show? Maybe you can't admit to me or anyone else, including yourself, that you might have missed me while I was at school this past week. And I'm sorry that I'm so openly affectionate with the people I care about. I told you in the first place that I love hugs and cuddling. I'm sorry that you don't like it... I wish you would come out and say that to me....instead of just looking at me and saying "You're being mean to me".....just come out and say what's wrong, or why you think that. Don't act like you are 6. I wish you would tell me that your whole attitude changes when other guys come around, or I talk about Tyler.

And as for the Tyler thing... He's one of my best friends. He's awesome. I'm sorry that even the mention of his name puts you in a bad mood. But I spend most of my time with him. And he's ALWAYS there for me. I'm sorry. I don't want you to think that I don't care.....and I think that's definitely the way that it seems.

But at the same time, I don't know how to act around you. I don't know how to tell you that I care....so instead it just seems like I don't at all....and I'm sorry.

I love you. And I don't want December 11th to touch us at all. And I don't want to lose you, so I'm going to make some kind of effort to show you just how much I care and how much I do want to be with you, and share with you that I know we can do this....

You don't have to be so serious about it all....about the whole making this work thing......It's okay to say you miss me....it's not a weakness. It's okay to say that you care about me....it's not a weakness....

But lord, say something.